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I sought the comfort of a theatre after a long time just for a change - a change from everything, even from Malludom. But no hope. If one did not seek Mallus, Mallus will come in search of one: Here comes a group of Mallu college gals to watch Kamal Hassan’s yet another routine trick called ‘Panchathanthiram’. Nothing in their appearance betrayed that they were Malayalees. The girls, wearing jeans, T-shirts and vanity specs, elbowed through the curious guys with an extra-terrestrial flourish. These fashion parading ETs had Malayalam and ‘Manglish’ as their lingua franca. And this heightened my curiosity in them. The gang approached the security man who was enjoying the safety of the other side of the gate. “Anna, please, gate thurakkanna,” the gal leading the team lisped. “Anna, thurakkanna,” others followed suit. What they spoke was a mix of Malayalam and Tamil. What name can be given to this mix? Union Minister O Rajagopal, who hails from Kerala, tried to speak Tamil when he visited parts of Tamil Nadu recently and called it ‘Talayalam’. But I strongly believe that we cannot call it ‘Talayalam’ when a Malayalee speaks Tamil. When a Malayalee speaks English, we call it ‘Manglish’ and when a Tamil speaks English, we call it ‘Tanglish’. Thus, we have to say ‘Talayalam’ is the Malayalam spoken by Tamils. And when Malayalees speak Tamil, we have to call it ‘Mamil’. Agreed? The Malayalee mangas’ ‘panchathanthiram’ with ‘Mamil’ had no effect on the security man. He asked them to sit on the floor or on the steps like others for 10 more minutes. Inside the theatre, my destined seat was before those of the gals who chatted and laughed in the loudest of voices.
“Our Jayaram,” they commented as the Persian-bearded actor made his comparatively insignificant appearance. I don’t know whether Jayaram would accept “Our Jayaram” as he says his success in Tamil heralds “the return of the native”. (His forefathers were among those who migrated to Kerala from Tamil Nadu and he says he is making a comeback.) “Our Urvasi. See, she has become fat,” next shrieking, outdoing the DTS. I was waiting for “Our Devayani”. But no hope. The girls did not know Devayani is half-Mallu. During the interval, I heard a middle-aged man advising them, “Girls, please reduce your voice. What will others think of us Malayalees?” There was not a sound from the girls after that and the second part of ‘Panchathanthiram’ went on without ‘Malayala manga thanthiram’. Readers' response/inputs can be e-mailed to salil@chennaionline.com.
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I can tolerate the queues at theaters, but cannot bear waiting for the security man to open the gate. You cannot help feeling that you become a dwarf before the imposing security man who has the air of one who is more of an ‘ultimate’ or ‘universal’ superstar than the one whose gimmicks you are going to watch.
“Our Sabu Cyril,” one of them said as she saw the art director’s name on the screen. (The mere name of a Malayalee could evoke so much spirit in them at an alien theatre!) 
