Hot new gadgets for the cool Carnatic musician from our non-resident humourist kONai
kavirAyar.
apa-stambha
The apaswaram suppressor for instrumentalists. This new apaswaram suppressor/modifier will modify the note or any sound that you produce and compare it with an electronically sampled set of notes and approximate it to the nearest note.
ghaTa-gravity
This is for the more adventurous ghatam artiste. An invisible cord is connected to the ghatam and you just press the button and it flies up in the air and comes back to you. Can be programmed to the nanosecond, and the distance in
centimetres.
ghaTa-(d)tummy
This is a special ghatam toppai for women artistes. Now every ghumki is possible for women ghatam artistes too.
The applause-trigger
Remember those old days when Semmangudi hated the audience for applauding violinists like TNK more than him? Now you can place the applause trigger at various locations in the hall and at the press of a button, the trigger starts a round of applause and the audience can't help but join in.
Multi-purpose plaster-gun
Use a laser directed gun to aim and shoot a brightly coloured scotch tape mouth at anyone in the audience. This makes use of the patented Scotch-Hit technology from 4M. It can be used against:
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The araTTai-mAmis/mAmAs in the first three rows.
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The handi-tape against the meddling mAmA fooling with the sound system, and the one that
sgives the never-ending vote of thanks.
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The wristi-tape against the wrong tALam-putter in the front row.
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The plaster comes in different colours to match a range of kurtas and saris.
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Pinbot - Robotic arm for the mIraj tambura
You don't have a pretty young thing to strum the tambura for you? And you don't like the use of an electronic tambura or a shruti box or shruti recorded on a CD? Don't worry. Just fix the pinbot on to your miraj tambura and hark back to the good old days.
More next week
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