 Non-resident humourist Konai Kavirayar continues with his list of 'external help' for musicians.
The best from 'CMERCK' the pharmaceutical industry:
Vocalisterine:
When gargled, this mouthwash kills germs, prevents bad breath and plaque and cures GiNBivitis, a tendency among some musicians to sing every kriti at breakneck speed. Since internal use causes complete 'stasis' of singing ability, it is recommended only for the truly untalented.
Clipitor
To be freely distributed among music critics in the audience who have a tendency to make loud, obnoxious remarks during the concert. Mechanism of action: Lowering the level of bad cholesterol (kozhuppu) which, in turn, prevents uncalled-for verbal attacks on the performer.
(Talai) Valibrex:
Unsuspecting visitors will benefit greatly from this ingenious concoction which prevents headaches caused by loud, undisciplined and monstrous 'music'.
Nagaifed:
This drug seeks to level the playing field for all female artistes, including struggling ones, by creating the illusion in the audience that the performer is wearing expensive jewellery, including gold 'jimikis', a diamond necklace, etc. Side-effects include drowsiness and a heightened awareness of 'speed'.
Moneymycin:
A breakthrough product with high market potential! When taken three times a day after meals, this drug makes the artiste financially-savvy. A tendency to sing obscure ragas that nobody has heard of is a disturbing side-effect.
Other miscellaneous items from 'Ecolux Technologies'
 Intereference Cutter:
Used by the mridangist to cut interference of the ghatam artiste.
Auto-shape changing veena:
A special kind of veena made of a specially manufactured silica and gel combination that changes the shape of the kuDam and the overall appearance. Also available with a name-generating plug-in. The plug-in generates high-sounding names for every new innovative appearance.
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Hi-tech gadgets-II
