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College Station is a small college town some
90 miles from Houston. The Texas A&M University is the biggest
attraction in the town and students form a chunk of the
population. Every year sees a drifting population of students
coming in from all over the world and graduating and moving on
to greener pastures in search of jobs and careers. We make a
trip to College Station occasionally to visit relatives (Dr
Shanmugam and Mrs Shanmugam), catch up with family news and just
enjoy a day of peace that engulfs you when you are with family.
The relations are too complex to explain but Dr Shanmugam and
Mrs Shanmugam are my surrogate parents in the US.
As I said, College Station is a small town,
with around 100+ Indian families putting down their roots there.
They love the old world charm, the laid back life, the empty
streets and, above all, the friendly community there. Honestly,
I can take College Station for a week and then I find myself
pulling my hair out in boredom. I am a lights and glamour
person. I typically head out to College Station on Friday
evenings and get back on Sunday. Though it is a small town, I am
invariably dragged into the whirlpool of activity. No questions
asked and no explanations needed, you were a part of everything
and it is just plain fun.
Let me explain things better. One weekend I
headed out to College Station as usual and came to know that Ms
J, daughter of Dr and Mrs J, long time residents of the town,
was having her Bharatanatyam arangetram on Saturday. I reached
Dr Shanmugam's home at around 6 p.m. and after a quick dinner,
was whisked away to Mrs S’s house for a pooja. A group of women
welcomed me as if I was one of their own and were there
enquiring about everything from my classes to my new home.
Living in the US for three years had its effects on me. I am so
used to the American way of living and was dumbstruck at the way
everyone was entering my private space.
Next destination was the J’s residence
helping them out with the numerous things that need to be done
for the next day’s programme, another set of welcoming strangers
who put me at ease. Saturday’s programme was a small and
intimate affair (according to big time Houston events) and the
best part, it was a family event. Everyone was proud of Ms J on
stage and everyone did their bit, be it Mrs M’s cookies or Mrs
D’s stage décor or Mrs Shanmugam’s tailoring skills. It was just
perfect. It was not one of those events where people are
strained and formal. It was not an event that said no kids on
the invitation with a RSVP note at the bottom. It did not have a
bunch of strangers (read party planners) welcoming you and
seating you in pre-assigned numbered seats.
So, coming back to the topic, I think back to
the days in India, a function/a party or whatever, the whole
kith and kin are there a week early helping out. Be it making
yummy delicacies for everyone or making themselves a nuisance
(as I often did!) it was a family affair - time to sit and talk
and feel a sense of belongingness. There were no secrets from
family and family members were the first to congratulate you and
the first to pull you down to earth. They were there, no matter
what. And this was years ago. Now with the nuclear families and
1,500 sq ft homes no one has time or the patience to deal with
well-meaning relatives. They call upon party planners and get
done with necessary celebrations. Friends and relatives turn up
the morning of the function and head back.
And, living in the US, I have fallen into the
same grind but that weekend at College Station I took a step
back into time, into the world I should live in, the world where
family and friends come first. In the small community in College
Station, they made every event, every milestone memorable in
their own small way and that is the best way. More than the
event, I enjoyed the feeling of belongingness and the
friendships that were built on trust. I was a stranger there but
was dragged into their circle; unwillingly at first. After all,
I have learnt to guard my privacy more dearly than I guard my
social security number.
We live in a world where we look with
suspicion at everything and we frown upon anyone trying to
invade our personal space. We never trust anyone and we always
want to be someone we are not. We are all in the rat race
competing against friends and family and believe the road to the
victory is never letting anyone know your strengths. We act
innocent, we hide our skills and put out a fake smile and
circulate but all the while calculating the next move towards
proving we are better. We forget to realise, everyone has their
own strengths and together we can create a better morrow. We
forget to realise, in life that all that matters is living
happily with each other and not living successfully alone. We
all need our personal space and time, no denying it, but we also
need friends and together times. We need to be ready to lend a
helping hand to a friend in need without expecting something
back. As always, a good deed comes back when you need it.
These are small lessons of life we learnt as
kids and forgot in the rat race. And the weekend at College
Station put me to shame. I had started looking at the bigger
picture and forgetting the smaller and finer aspects. I had
become selfish and locked out the world. It is amazing how in
the journey of life we often lose sight of the ultimate goal and
get lost in pointless pursuits.
Big thanks to the wonderful Indian community
at College Station for showing me the real meaning of
neighbourliness and goodwill.
Success in work/career is just a part of the
big picture; it is family and friends that complete the bigger
picture of life. Spare a few minutes for them and in doing so
you gain something that cannot be measured. And to the big
family out at College Station, thanks for accepting me and
unintentionally you awesome people have put me back on the right
track!
- V
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